Finally...

Lost it today.

Honestly, I expected it, but just not today. It happened while I was still experiencing the natural high from working at the gym for two hours. haha, what a dramatic change! But perhaps it was the endorphins which helped me recover quicker from the breakdown.

I am "ok" after half an hour or so, but I ended up with a massive headache that hasn't left me since.

How important is family upbringing?

Went to TGI Friday with L last night for dinner. Haven't seen her for nearly three months now. So happy to catch up with her again, and we updated each other on our recent lives. Nothing much happened in my life except that I am taking some time off from work. But L has some amazing stories to share!

We have similar family upbringing and so I fully understand her "conflict" with her mum and dad right now. Strict parents, old-fashioned mum, it's definitely frustrating at times. We know the reason they worry about us a lot is because they love us dearly and don't want us in pain of any type or get upset and stuff, but do we live to please our parents or live our own lives?

When we are faced with career choices, boyfriend/girlfriend issues, even on how to invest my own money, we can't do it the way we want. We have to consider if they are ok with it too! And I don't like this.

With my mum, she has no bloodly idea how much she has affected me. We are both very harsh on ourselves. We are pessimistic. We worry too much. We never feel we are doing good enough. I have tried working with mum to change the way we see things. But she is stubborn, extremely stubborn. She worries about money, us, dad, everything! It's f*#kingly hard.

I want to shake this belief off me! I want to be happy, with a smile on my face all the time! I want to be positive. I want to be carefree.

But luckily I am trying my best everyday, and I know it's started to work.

Life...

The wife of my friend has just been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer three days ago. After seeing the oncology specialist today, the prognosis is not looking good. She is old and very underweight. And she has been a smoker all her life.

Two people from my church have cancers: one has lung cancer and the other has lymphoma. On top of that, mum just went to a friend's funeral who died of ovarian cancer two months ago, leaving two young kids with the husband who is on disability pension.

So depressing... seems like having cancer is part of life! You are either gonna be killed in a car accident, or died of cancer!

And the fact that being struck by cancer is so random! Regardless of whether you are healthy, eat sensibly, exercise regularly or a heavy smoker who eats McDonald's everyday, no one dare to say that you are cancer-proof. And it can get you anytime...you will never never have a clue. Imagine spending three hours on the phone with your friend at night and the next day she/he is gone, forever.

Thinking that life is so fragile, it depresses me sometimes, even though I know I shouldn't, but live my life to the fullest, making the most of it instead.

But one thing I am sure I can do is to love my love ones more. And this means nothing comes before my family. I NEVER NEVER want to regret one day that I haven't loved my mum and dad enough.

Don't go any further

I reckon Pope Benedict XVI shouldn’t have apologized to the Muslims for his remarks on Islam. There is freedom of speech and what he said is objectively true.

How could he show “profound respect for world religions and for Muslims”? Does it therefore meant that he agrees to the idea of more than one existing God in the world? He should have stood his ground. And the fact that he was “very sorry” for the reaction to his remarks further gave the impression of retreat.

He absolutely shouldn’t issue any further comments/apology that the Muslims are demanding right now. By apologizing and backing away, he would encourage more violence and anger on the streets.

Seriously, just shut up.

Most Unforgettable News

Australia is currently celebrating 50 years of television. In light of this, TV stations come out with various programs like 50 Best songs, 50 Best TV stars, 50 Most Unforgettable Moments, 50 Biggest News, 50 Most popular shows etc..

To me, I have particular feelings about these news.

1989 - Tianamen Square Massacre in Beijing, China.
The picture with the lone protester, standing in front of an advancing tank is gonna stay in my head forever.

1997 - Diana dies in Paris crash.
This was the first time I saw how the whole world mourns the loss of one person.

2000 - Russian submarine sank in the Barents Sea killing 118 aboard.
Can't imagine what the sailors were thinking in their dying hours, let alone in complete darkness.

2001 - September 11 in New York city.
I thought some kind of action movie was showing on the TV instead!

2004 - Australian-born Mary Donaldson became Crown Princess of Denmark after her marriage to Danish Crown Prince Frederik.
All women watching the wedding ceremony telecasts wish one day a fairy tale like this will happen to them.

2004 - The Asian Tsunami.
How powerful the mother nature is. Human is just tiny.

2006 - Crocodile hunter Steve Irwin killed by stingray.
His passion and love of life, family and nature was boundless. A true inspiration.

The Cannibals

A segment shown on the current affairs program 60 Minutes tonight shocked me...

Two reporters, together with their cameraman, took us back to the Stone Age to meet a tribe living in the jungle of West Papua. They are cannibals, one of the few surviving tribes in the world to engage in such act. The tribe is called the Korowai. And their universe is filled with witchcraft and all kinds of spirits. They would eat any human beings. Once they believed you’ve been cursed by evil spirits of some sort, regardless of whether you are their father or uncle or the tribe leader, you are to be executed.

A tribe member (forgot his name, just call him TT for now) was interviewed with a broken human skull, which belongs to his best mate. And guess what? TT was the one who killed him. And yet, TT didn’t show any signs of guilt or sadness, nothing!! He explained he would expect his best mate to do the same if he himself was convicted of possessing the evil spirit.

The tribe seems to be very warm and friendly to the reporters. The kids were jumping around. Everyone was dancing, mucking around and showing the reporters they homes and showed them food etc….so it’s extremely hard to believe that they could “change” so dramatically to actually killing people they know and eating human flesh. It was also mentioned that they would eat the brain first, while it is still warm!! Yuk!!

The intention of shooting such segment is to save a boy called Wawa. He is only 9 years old. The Korowai are convinced he's possessed by evil spirits because both his parents died of mysterious causes. For this, tribal law says he can be killed and eaten. Both they can’t do this until the boy reaches their adult age of 15.

So we have no doubt to act quickly and save Wawa and that’s what this TV segment is all about.

But have we thought of what would happen if we bring the boy from the Stone Age into our 21st Century??? It’s like watching Back to the Future huh? Can he cope, mentally and physically? How will it affect him when he is faced with computers, cars, people of different skin colours, speaking different languages? And how about his physical health? Can he survive in our oh-so-polluted environment?

Plus, we have no right to remove him from his tribe, really. He belongs there. In our society nowadays, when someone from our country commit a crime overseas, we are doing everything to have that person return home and have the trial run in our own country instead, which is ridiculous really. So imagine what should to be done when we try to do a deal with people from the Stone Age!!

It’s tough. I dunno.

The Impressionists

Feeling a bit blue today. Don’t wanna think, don’t wanna talk, don’t wanna do anything. Just wanna disappear in my own la la land. So I lied in bed, trying to sleep it off. After tossing and turning for half an hour, I got refused entry to la la land...haha

So I messed around with my inner demons for a while, negotiating...Finally I won!! I got out of bed and decided to do something more positive instead. I pulled down all posters and drawings off my bedroom walls and rearranged them all over again. (Yay! this will keep me occupied.)

I went to France last year and fell in love with the Impressionists. I spent 4 hours alone in the Musee d’Orsay in Paris, totally immersed myself into the paintings. I bought a couple (actually, quite a few…) of paintings at the museum and stuck them all over my bedroom walls.

I would easily say that my trip to Musee d’Orsay was the best spot I visited in Paris. I didn’t have a clue that I would love the Impressionists paintings so much before…I took about 50 pictures of the paintings (yes, cameras allowed inside but NO FLASH). I “clicked” immediately with the paintings, those by Monet and Renoir especially. I love Monet’s Impression, soleil levant,http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impression,_Sunrise and Le Bassin aux nympheas; harmonie verte. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Monet.waterlilies.500pix.jpg

Renoir’s Bal du Moulin de la Galaette. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Galette-Renoir.jpg Can’t tell what I like particularly about this painting, but it just caught me, completely. And his other paintings like Chemin montant dans les hautes herbes used similar brushstrokes as Monet. I guess since they were good mates and often hung out and painted together, they obviously discussed painting techniques and stuff.

I am not very much of a Van Gogh (a post-impressionist) fan however. His paintings don’t appeal to me somehow, except I quite like his iconic Starry Night Over the Rhone. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Starry_Night_Over_the_Rhone

After rearranging the drawings, I read the book I bought in Musee d’Orsay. http://www.longitudebooks.com/find/p/2241/mcms.html .

So…this is how I spent my not-so-100% saturday today. I feel better now…as I did something productive instead of sleeping the day off.

I wish I have an artistic talent though, able to express my feelings thru drawing or painting.

Movies...

I love watching movies. And I watch nearly all kinds of movies...well actually, except action, sci-fi, or anything with blood and gore.

Watched Recently:

1. Cropse Bride - dark and funny, the puppets are so cute.

2. Tsotsi - a true gem (best oscar foreign film)

3. Match Point- average

4. Flightplan - quite engaging

5. Broken Flowers - always enjoy Jim Jarmusch's films. Leave you thinking at the end.

6. Night on Earth - Jim Jarmusch's best film I reckon. Five cities, five taxis, five stories, one night. I love it!!

What Am I Thinking?

What's wrong with me? I don't like kids! They give me headache when I see them screaming in the supermarkets. I can't wait to dispense their antibiotic prescriptions so they can be out of sight and out of the way ASAP. But, I want to have a BABY now!

WTF?? Seriously. I want to feel how it feels when you are pregnant, the moment when doctor confirm such diagnosis, the change in size of your tummy...etc...

OMG!! I don't know what I am thinking right now....it's scary...

In My Zone with Grey's Anatomy and House

Last few days, I isolated myself from the outside world (except visiting the gym for an hour per day). I was hooked on watching the DVDs of "Grey's Anatomy" and "House".

Hugh Laurie acted brilliantly as Dr. House. An English actor playing American, Hugh is superb. Dr. House is a bitter, cranky, cynical yet absolutely intelligent doctor. He rarely visits his patients and would call you an idiot to your face. You would actually feel guilty loving Dr. House because he's so arrogant and callous, but he keeps you entertained because you can't wait to hear what he'll says next. At the end, he is the type of doctor you want curing you.

"Grey's Anatomy" stars Ellen Pompeo as the narrator - Meredith Grey. Her mother is the famous surgeon and she is trying to follow in her mother's footsteps. The story revolves around her time as an intern and the people she meets and sort of is portrayed as "survival camp for medical students." Grey's Anatomy" has a lot more depth to it on so many levels. Let's face it, who really wants to talk about death? This show involves some humor, unlike ER, but you also get the blood and guts popping out, very sad moments, more involved stories about the DRs personal life's, relationships inside the hospital, and the great music puts it over the top.

I particularly enjoy watching Sandra Oh's character - Dr. Cristina Yang. Her character is so complex and hilarious. And who can say no to Patrick Dempsey's character - Dr. McDreamy!!

The Right Decision

After months of mental and physical "torture", I am finally free!! Very happy to have made the decision to leave my job.

Now, I am very relaxed, feel great, happy, and more positive. And after a couple of job interviews (just testing the water!), my self-esteem grew quite a bit.

And of course, my wrist has stopped being sore and my skin has become smoother pretty straight away! hehe.....

I made the mistake of getting too attached with my work mates, and that will never happen again. I thought I should stay with my job because I got along well with all staff and they didn't want me to leave. But a week since I have left now, my best girl hasn't called me once. I've learnt my lesson, and honestly, I am over it. Not upset about it at all.

I made the mistake of feeling too sorry for the boss and didn't realise at the end, its employer-employee relationship. Bosses will forever wanted to pay you the least but expect you to work your butt off.

After all, I am very happy now, and that's what matters.